Saturday, July 20, 2013

Girl Crushes explained.

Just gonna let Jenna explain:

Lez b honest. She's on my girl crush list. 

Him and little dogs

I'm trying to convince him to get a little dog.... have been trying for years.  So I finally decided on a new tactic... pushing for a really really old little dog.  That way it'd die soon. 

Men are logical creatures and I feel like this will go over well as long as I don't mention that vet bills will be astronomical to keep the thing alive for as long as possible. 

If you're reading this, B...  I love you. (You knew I was like this when you married me.) 

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Things I say to or about my one year old daughter and dog

  • Commands and Rules
    • Stop eating that!
    • Drop that.
    • Don't lick that.
    • Sit.
    • Stand up.
    • Lay down
    • Time for bed.
    • Where's the ball?! See the ball?!  Go get it!
    • No biting.
  • Frequent Exclaimations/Questions
    • Get him off the carpet!  S/he's puking!
    • She's got something in her mouth.
    • Wanna go for a walk?
    • Where's her leash?
  • Waste related
    • She just peed.
    • Are you pooping?!
    • I found it in his poop.
    • Her poop was all [insert adjective] today.  It was weird.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Dirty little secrets

I still vividly remember falling in love with my husband.  I rememeber him being all mysterious and so damn sexy I could hardly stand it.  We've been married for a respectable number of years now, and he's still so damn sexy and I can't get enough of him... but now what makes it fun is that all those secrets of his that used to make him so mysterious are mine.

Him: Work is calling.  Can you pause it?  I don't want them to know I'm watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

that's what...

While making dinner...

Me: I hate it when you cook the burgers and they get all super tiny, but then the buns are ENORMOUS.  Who wants super enormous buns and tiny burgers?  [pause, giggle] That's what she said!

Mr. Ev: Rolls eyes I hate my life.

This happens at least once a day.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

what's up with all the mini van hate?

You know I've havin' enough babies someday to get a mini van.  And I am going to love it.  I can't wait for the first time Bring Sexy Back comes on the radio while I'm in that thing.  Can't. Wait.  I only hope that I have school aged children by then and that I am dropping them off at school.  And?  That it's one of those mornings where I've herded all those children to the car in mah PJs with my hair in a cyclone on the top of my head while trying to mask my morning breath with a pack of bubblicious.

Do they make droopy drawer sweatpants that say "MILF" across the ass?